SCRIPTURE
1Do not speak harshly to an older man, but speak to him as to a father, to younger men as brothers, 2to older women as mothers, to younger women as sisters -- with absolute purity.
3Honor widows who are really widows. 4If a widow has children or grandchildren, they should first learn their religious duty to their own family and make some repayment to their parents; for this is pleasing in God’s sight. 5The real widow, left alone, has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day; 6but the widow who lives for pleasure is dead even while she lives. 7Give these commands as well, so that they may be above reproach. 8And whoever does not provide for relatives, and especially for family members, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (1 Timothy 5:1-8, NRSV)
WHAT
I was recently scrolling through my Facebook page and an ad for a cute little house caught my attention. The ad called it an “ADU.” I didn’t know what those initials meant, so I Googled it. Turns out it stands for “Assessory Dwelling Unit.” An ADU is a living quarters added to an existing home’s property. While people can choose to add these small living quarters to their property for many reasons, they are often used to house older parents. It allows them to maintain relatively independent living, but keeps them close to the care of their sons and daughters.
Imagine this situation: A couple marries and moves into a new-to-them home together. This is a second marriage for both, and each comes into the new family with children from their previous marriage. In addition, her parents are getting up in years. They are not in bad health, but the couple agrees to build an ADU for her parents to live in. So now this family consists of the mom and dad, several stepbrothers and stepsisters, and a set of grandparents, all living on the same property.
Think about all the relationship adjustment that must take place. First, the new husband and wife must figure out their new relationship as a married couple. Then the children all have to figure out their relationship with their new stepparent, and with all their new brothers and sisters. Into this mix comes her mom and dad who have to adjust to their daughter’s new husband, their new living arrangement, and get to know all those new grandchildren, not to mention adjust their relationship with their biological grandchildren just because they are now living with them.
All these people in my imaginary but quite possible family need to know learn how to be part of a new household, doing regular chores, discovering one another’s likes and dislikes, as well as strengths and weaknesses, foibles and fallacies, all while learning how to respect, value, and love one another and not impose on or exploit one another. As N. T. Wright notes, “Extended families provide endless possibilities for tensions and difficulties as well as for friendship, fun and mutual support.”
The early Church existed much like my imaginary family. The church in Ephesus, for example, consisted of several house churches spread across the city, each one more like an extended family than the megachurch you may be used to. People often make the mistake of assuming that the remarkable life of the Jerusalem church described in Acts 2:43-47 was a kind of early experiment that didn’t really work so well, therefore it didn’t last and it wasn’t repeated:
Awe came upon everyone because many wonders and signs were being done by the apostles. All who believed were together and had all things in common; they would sell their possessions and goods anddistribute the proceeds to all, as any had need. Day by day, as they spent much time together in the temple, they broke bread at home and ate their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having the goodwill of all the people. And day by day the Lord added to their number those who were being saved. (Acts 2:43-47, NRSV)
When Ananias and his wife Sapphira took advantage of this compassion and generosity -- and consequently died (Acts 5) -- it seems this manner of church life disappeared. Certainly, as Bishop Wright observes, we don’t find Paul in any of his letters telling people that they should sell their property and pool their resources.
But what we do find, in various places in the New Testament, is the command to care for one another. And this caring took place in the context of house churches which functioned more like extended stepfamilies. People knew each other’s names and personalities, their kids’ names, and they and felt an obligation to care for one another – not just saying nice things to and about one another, but also a financial responsibility to care for one another.
That is the background against which we ought to read today’s passage.
Do not speak harshly to an older man, but speak to him as to a father, to younger men as brothers, to older women as mothers, to younger women as sisters -- with absolute purity. (1 Timothy 5:1-2, NRSV)
The Greek word here translated “older man” is that word presbyteros that we encountered earlier when we were talking about church leaders, the word usually translated as “elder.” We saw how it was William Barclays’ opinion that originally, an episkopos and a presbyteros were the same office, with the former word describing the role in the church – overseer -- while the latter described a station in life that made one fit for the office – being an older, more experienced person. The way Paul uses the word here clearly refers to age and station in life rather than church office as he contrasts it with men who are younger, and to older and younger women.
“Do not speak harshly to a presbyteros.” Why would one ever have to speak harshly to an older man? Professor Barclay’s translation of this verse gives us a clue:
If you have occasion to reprimand an older man, do not do so sharply, but appeal to him as you would to a father. (1 Timothy 5:1a, William Barclay translation)
This makes a whole lot more sense if you think about a younger man who feels the need to say something of a reprimand to an older man in his house church. Greek and Roman society, much more so than modern Western societies, gave elevated status to people older than you, especially the older men. If you saw one of them heading in a bad or even dangerous direction morally, and you felt the need to say something, your culture would hold you back. You should listen to them by virtue of their maturity and experience, not them listening to you. But if you do work up the nerve to say something – out of love and concern for him – treat him as you would your own father, urges Paul. Because after all, the church is your extended family now.
While Paul’s society valued and esteemed the experience and maturity of age, that does not mean a younger person’s insights are of no value. A famous French expression says with a sigh: “If youth but had the knowledge, if age but had the power.” As Professor Barclay notes, when there is mutual respect and affection, then the wisdom and experience of age can co-operate with the strength and enthusiasm of youth, to the great profit of both. And to the extended family that is the local church.
Remember that all this teaching falls under the rubric of what Paul said earlier in chapter 3. He wants Timothy to know and to teach:
…how one ought to behave in the household of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and bulwark of the truth. (1 Timothy 3:15, NRSV)
Because the church is a household, like that extended family in my opening illustration, Paul goes on to tell Timothy:
…treat the younger men like brothers; the older women as mothers; the younger women as sisters, in complete purity.” (1 Timothy 1:1b-2, NRSV)
The “in complete purity” part of the treatment of women is Paul’s recognition that the intimacy and vulnerability involved in pastoral conversations can lead to inappropriate sexual attraction. Pastors must always be on their guard to prevent this. This applies now as much to female pastors as to males. As I observed in the last commentary, many pastors I know have fallen on exactly this point and as a consequence, have lost their ministries and done great damage to not only their reputations, but also their churches. Arabs have an expression that is helpful here. They call a man of honor “a brother of girls”. He is a man who treats other women, especially younger women, as if they were his own sister. We also talk still about a “Platonic friendship,” meaning a friendship between a man and a woman, without the complications of sexual attraction.
Paul continues to address life in the extended family of the church:
Honor widows who are really widows. If a widow has children or grandchildren, they should first learn their religious duty to their own family and make some repayment to their parents; for this is pleasing in God’s sight. The real widow, left alone, has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day; but the widow who lives for pleasure is dead even while she lives. (1 Timothy 5:3-6, NRSV)
A modern Westerner, reading this from a historically and culturally uninformed position, can come to all sorts of distorted conclusions. Widows today often have their own jobs and careers. This earns them a government pension in the form of Social Security. Some also have income from their husband’s government and work pensions. They may even have received a payout from their husband’s life insurance policy. Women of Paul’s and Timothy’s day received no such benefits. A man was supposed to provide for his wife’s welfare if he died before she did – and remember, this was a time when people, especially men, often died in their 30s and 40s. But many, just as today, struggled to make daily ends meet so there was little to nothing provided if a woman suddenly became a widow.
Professor Barclay suggests something I had not thought about. Many, if not most, men who joined the church came from a society where polygamy was normal. But when a man became a disciple of Jesus and joined the Church, he was encouraged to have but one wife. What happened to the other wives? Many of them were released from their marriage vows. Even though their former husband still lived, they were left in the world for all intents and purposes as widows. How were these women to be cared for?
This is why Paul devotes so much ink to the care of widows. It is the obligation of the local church to care for these women – financially, as well as emotionally.
When Paul talks about “widows who are really widows,” what does that mean? He distinguishes a woman who is a widow because her husband is gone, but who has family still around from those who don’t. A woman’s family is to be her first line of defense against poverty. They have the primary obligation to care for her. This is where I think of those ADU’s which people build to care for their parents. Paul would love them! A widow who does not have such a safety net is in real need. She has no other options. These are the people that the local church ought to take responsibility for.
Caring for widows and aging parents was not just a Christian thing. It was Greek law from the time of the Athenian law-giver Solon that sons and daughters were not only morally but also legally bound to support their parents. Those who refused that duty lost their civil rights. The Jewish writer Philo of Alexandria, who was a contemporary of Paul’s, writing of the commandment to honor parents, said:
“When old storks become unable to fly, they remain in their nests and are fed by their children, who go to endless exertions to provide their food because of their piety.” (Philo of Alexandria)
To Philo, it was clear that if even the animals acknowledged the obligation to care for elderly parents, how much more must human offspring? And Paul would add, if even animals and pagans cared for elderly parents, how much more should followers of Jesus do the same?
Often when someone converted from either paganism or Judaism to Christianity, their family would cut them off from all contact, financial and emotional. I saw this happen once when I was the best man for a friend. He was marrying a Jewish girl. Her father was so upset that she was marrying a Gentile outside her Jewish faith, that he conducted a formal ceremony to symbolize her being “cut off,” and no longer being part of their family. When this happened in Paul’s day, the person – especially if she were a women – was left with no support. And thus the obligation of the church to provide whatever support, including financial, this person needed.
But it wasn’t just family or church members the disciples of Jesus concerned themselves with. From the very beginning the Church took upon itself the task of caring for those with nobody to look after them and no means of supporting themselves. This group, as we’ve seen, particularly consisted of widows. The church faced the task of living as that extended family in my opening illustration, even having to come to terms with the resulting tensions and difficulties, as well as the possibilities of joyful shared life and mutual support.
This is why, in this passage and the next one, Paul goes into considerable detail on the rules for enrolling and supporting widows.
N. T. Wright tells of having a conversation with a fellow student when he was first wrestling with Paul’s letters. This fellow student said he didn’t believe Paul had written 1 Timothy because, “Paul was interested in justification by faith, in the death of Jesus, and things like that – and all that fussing about widows seems so trivial by comparison.” Bishop Wright says he wishes now he would have been smart enough to point out that “if you think that helping someone who’s destitute is trivial compared with abstract doctrinal debates, however important they may be in their own place, something is wrong with the way you’re looking at God and the world.” (Emphasis mine)
In the next passage, Paul will continue to teach Timothy about how to care for the widows.
APPLY
The local church is more like an extended family than an organization. It has the obligation to care for its family members in need.
PRAYER
Lord, families are messy. Extended families even more so. That’s one reason the local church is so messy and relationships can be so complicated. But families don’t give up on one another. They care for one another to the extent possible. How can I make this my living model for the churches I am a part of, which are sometimes way larger than even an extended family and within which it is therefore hard to have family-type relationships? What should I do when someone tries to take advantage of “the family’s” care and concern? In Christ. Amen.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. How is a local church like an extended family – the good and the bad, the joys and the tensions?
2. How do you feel when you need to rebuke someone, especially someone who is older, and maybe even a leader? How do you feel when you are the one rebuked by someone younger?
3. Why does Paul expend so much ink in this passage and the next teaching Timothy about the care of widows? What does he mean by “a widow who is really a widow”? What is a widow who is NOT really a widow? How would that effect a church’s obligation to care for her – then and now?
4. What should a local church do if someone joins their church just to have access to its compassion care funds?
How can you apply these insights in your life?